Are we in a Friendship Recession?
Written by Diane Mahon
When we moved back to Ohio three years ago, I was excited at the thought of reconnecting with old friends. We got busy; searching for a home, enrolling the kids in school and establishing my husband’s spiritual direction practice. Then a few months later Covid hit and everyone sheltered in place. Isolated.
Fast forward a couple years, and even though we’ve mostly returned to our normal lives, something seems different. I have been feeling like we haven’t fully recovered from the isolation and that people have gotten used to keeping to themselves. It turns out I was right! There’s a new phenomenon that experts are calling a “friendship recession.” It’s the idea that adults have less friends now in 2023 than they did in past years. And although time alone and isolation can sometimes be a dream for someone like me (hello fellow introverts!), I have been longing for more connection and have noticed its effect on my overall well-being.
The Survey Center of American Life did a survey in May 2021 on the state of American Friendships. Its findings were that Americans report having fewer close friendships than they once did, talking to their friends less often, and relying less on their friends for personal support. The study also showed that most friendships are made at work, school, places of worship or clubs/activities. So, if you think about it, the pandemic had a huge impact on our friendships, with the majority of people working at home, schools and churches going virtual, and activities simply cancelled.
We can’t fully blame the pandemic though. There is a combination of factors contributing to this friendship recession. Economist Bryce Ward points to an increased use of technology and a decrease in group activities overall. It can be said that this trend started long before Covid. A study back in 2014 showed that we spent over six hours a week with friends on average. It’s been dropping steadily since, down to just two hours and forty-three minutes a week. Psychologists explain it as a “learned loneliness.” We do a lot more things alone and people have adjusted to being alone and learned to live with an unfulfilled need. Spiritual director J.R. Mahon says he’s seen clients in his practice express a new kind of social anxiety where this learned loneliness has contributed to them wanting to socialize less or they feel they have forgotten how to engage in small talk.
A recent study from Pew Research showed that 35% of people feel that socializing is less important than it was before the pandemic. But we know that socializing is very important. Social isolation can have negative impacts on our physical and emotional health. It can cause depression, weaken our immune system and make someone more likely to suffer from things like high blood pressure, sleep problems, heart disease and diabetes.
So what are we to do? Fortunately, you can combat this friendship recession simply by putting yourself out there! Reach out to old friends, make new ones through a shared interest or activity. Schedule a coffee date or join a club. If you’ve been feeling lonely or isolated lately it can help to talk to someone, such as a spiritual director. Reach out to a professional, especially if you are feeling some social anxiety or there are other issues keeping you away from people. Spiritual director J.R. Mahon would love to talk with you about it and work through it. He can be a great friend to you as you find your voice and footing in reconnecting with the world out there.
